I Dance with the Devil
by HinekoTheCat
Summary: Discontinued Rewrite of All the things i hate. Jack lives through the Shoot out, he is also very depressed. Bobby reveals a secert to Jack, while he didn't mean. How will Jack handle things? Will Jack ever be happy or live forever in agnst?
1. Darkness

I hope you all enjoy the rewrite and sorry if the title throws you off i thought that this one suited the story better. i don't own Four Brothers, do own what they do.

Warning of possible Slash in later chapters (Bobby and Jack)

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… I opened up the front door to my mom's house. A guy had his back turned to me.

"Your mother was a whore!" the guy in a navy blue hoodie said from the middle of the street with his gloved middle finger in the air. He bent down next to an old car.

"Hey," Anger sounded in my voice. I placed on hand on the door frame to support myself as I lend forward to point at him. I can't believe he call the one woman I love more than anything a 'whore'. She was such a sweet old lady. "Fuck you, man! I will kick your- -." I was cut off by a snow ball hitting me right between the eyes.

I brought my hands up to my face to wipe off the snow. I growled as I did so and stomped my foot. This guy started to really piss me off. I ran off the porch and down the steps, grabbing a handful of snow.

"It's all about Jerry, right?" Bobby yelled from inside the house. His voice really carries.

I turned the lump of snow into a ball as I ran after the hooded guy. "Son of a bitch! Piece of shit!" I now yelled at the guy.

Suddenly he stopped at the stop sign. He turned around, a Jason mask masked his face. He reached around his back and pulled a gun out. The gun was pointed at me.

I stopped dead in my tracks, my right arm half way up; ready to throw the snow ball. All of a sudden guilt filled my mind. Guilt for all the pain I caused Evelyn and the guys. Regret, not telling anyone how I felt. And anger, to die this way and how stupid I am for going after this guy. I should of known it was a trap.

He pulled the trigger. A white hot burning, stinging feeling hit and went into my right shoulder. The force of the blow threw my whole upper right side back. The pain was so terrible that it felt like someone burning through skin and bone.

The pain brought me down to my knees. I held onto my wound. A bad gargle sound escaped my lips.

"Jack!" Bobby yelled from somewhere behind me. Terror filled his voice and he couldn't hide it.

I swayed forward using my right arm to support myself. All that ran through my head was my life. Being abused by my father, trafficked by him. Being mentally and sexually abused by other foster parents. Evelyn taking me in. Evelyn never giving up on me. Having brothers. Bobby always the protective one and joking. Jerry the smart one, he always helped me out with homework. And Angel the jealous one. He hated not being the baby of the family. All we went through to find mom's killers. Now their going to kill me here.

I saw a pair of feet step closer to me. I lifted up to see what he planed to do. The gun was pointed right between my eyes. I closed them waiting for him to shoot and I prayed to the gods my soul will find salvation from this hate full city. I could finally be with Evelyn.

A gun fired. Nothing happened to me so I opened up my tear filled eyes. My shooter had six bullet holes in his chest. He fell back on to the street.

A roaring sound came close to where I was kneeling. I looked up to see a grayish van with men in masks and guns in their hands getting out. This wasn't good, I was screwed, but I wanted to be with my brothers. I got up and hunched my way towards them.

"Shit." Someone said then fired their gun.

I was half way to the side walk when the same burning feeling hit my right knee. I yelped out and fell down. I stretched out my injured arm to catch myself but it gave out and I fell into the cold white snow with a sickening gasp.

The pain was ten fold of what it was. It felt like my whole body was on fire. In my shoulder and knee felt like millions of tiny knives repeatedly stabbing me. With each stab to my heart beat, blood flowed out like a slow calm stream.

At this moment I couldn't hear anything bit my painful screaming. Not even guns or voices. I would gave anything to hear my brothers. I grabbed holed to a wooden pole. I tired getting up but I was getting weaker by the second. My breathing getting hard by the minute.

Slowly, ever so slowly my hearing returned. A ringing of guns. Bullets hitting wood and break, glass shattering. They're hitting the house, the one true place I can call home, being destroyed. All the good times being erased by each bullet. I hated them.

Gun shots, but no Bobby, Angel or Jerry. They can't be dead can they? No they're all to stubborn to die on me or let alone let me die this way. Still I didn't hear anyone. It was filling me up more with guilt. Adding to the guilt before, now it was letting them be in this mess. Everything is my fault, everything. I shouldn't have been born.

"Shit!" Bobby's faint voice came to my ears. I sighed inside for relief, but that was short lived when more gun shots rang.

Damn, I can't stand this. I had to know if he was alive, all of them. Tears stained my face, slightly freezing do the cold. I grabbed on tighter to the pole then yelled. "Bobby!"

"Jack!" Bobby yelled over the loud shooting. He was all right. Now what about the rest?

"Bobby!" I yelled this time hoping that he was going to tell if Angel and Jerry were okay.

"Jack!" Jerry's faint voice. Good his' alive too, but what of Angel?

My vision started to get blurry. My arms couldn't support my weight anymore. I fell away from the pole and onto my back. It hurt so to do so. I screamed out in agony. I can't take much more of this. I need someone now otherwise I'm not going to make it. Bobby, I need you now more than ever.

I turned my head towards the house. I summed enough energy to yell out, "BOBBY!" I need him so bad, I don't want to die. Never had I wished it or at least this way.

"Jack, hold on!" Ha, Bobby telling me to hold on. Hold on to what? I had nothing to hold on to. My life was slipping so fast, I didn't think I could.

My hearing kept fading in and out. My breathing came in gasps, by the second got harder. My heart beat so faint. My head spined from the lose of blood. Coldness set in. uncontrollable cold.

I couldn't take much more. It felt like eternality for Bobby to come, if he doesn't die on me. But he can't die, none of them can. This might sound selfish but they can't die without being by my side.

I want smiling faces. Happy days playing hockey. I could even go for one of Bobby's gay jokes too.

The shooting stopped. Did they get them? No, no that's impossible. Yet you never think that the ones you love will ever die. I wish that were true.

"Hold… fire! … your…!" Someone yelled. What, hold you fire. They wouldn't have stopped if he wasn't dead or that they have a plane on getting him. "He's… the breaks! Jackhammer!"

They opened fire again. Bullets hitting the breaks rang in my ears. One of my brothers was going to get killed. There's no way he could escape without being shot. What's there for him to do? Wait, when Bobby told me to 'hold on', his voice sounded close to me. Bobby was on the porch. They're going to kill him.

"Jack!" I mentally sighed at the sound of his voice.

My body was gasping for some oxygen, but it was so hard. I physically couldn't breathe well. I don't think I could hold out for much longer. Come on they need to hurry, before the darkness completely consumes me. My life flashing before my eyes again and all what I wanted to do. Have a girl friend, get married, have some kids, grandkids, and grow old with the woman of my dreams. Also having an everlasting brotherly friendship with Angel, Jerry, and Bobby. Get out of this city and live more peaceful so I could raise a family.

Now none of that stuff will happen. I'm going to die a bitter and angry person. I never been a happy person. All because of my childhood and all the things that happened to me in the mercer house hold. Any and everything spooked me. Nearly got kidnapped, and almost got hit by a car. When I was older I got into drugs and other shit.

My life reminds me of a song by Three Days Grace, "Never too Late'. It goes like: "This world will never be what I expected. If I don't belong who would of guessed it…' that is so true. I thought life was suppose to be good like in TV shows, but I was wrong. Someday I didn't feel like I belonged. I want to fit in somewhere. I don't think I'll fit into heaven or… hell.

"Bobby." Angel? Why did I hear him so clear? He must have came outside when my hearing faded. Why was he calling Bobby's name, was he in trouble. I tired to turn my head but couldn't. my body felt so stiff and cold. I closed my eyes as a jolt of pain ran through me. I couldn't take this. I couldn't fight this much longer. It's getting stronger.

"Bobby!Bobby1" His voice was frantic. What's going on, that Angel was yelling his name. could he have died. That couldn't be. Could it? "The van! Watch out!"

A loud clash of metal against metal. What was going on? I can't open my eyes. Guys come on I need you. I wanted to tell them something.

"Jack!" I felt a warm body close to me chest. He placed a hand gently on my left shoulder. "Jack, look at me!" Bobby placed both of his hands on the side of my face. "Jack, you all right? Hold on!"

What does it look like? I'm bleeding to death. I got shot. Why the hell did he ask the stupid question for? Bobby can be so stupid sometimes.

"We need an ambulance!" Bobby shouted. I opened my eyes to see Bobby's sad, fearful face. My face all crunched up from pain. "Jack," Blood rose up to my mouth. Coming to the corner of my lips. "Jack.!"

I opened my mouth to say something but all that came out was blood and lots of it. No, not now. Why? I wanted to tell them something important.

Tears started to fall from Bobby's eyes, that in turn made me cry. "Jack, please. Come on, man." His voice was breaking. I can't stop this from happing.

"I'm calling. I'm calling." Finally, Sofi doing something other than being with Angel.

"Come, Jack, you gotta breathe!" I'm was tiring to, but couldn't it as too hard. I felt like someone squeezing my lung tightly. I would gave anything to breathe, except my like.

"We need an ambulance right now!" This was just a thought, but they should've called 911 when I first got shot. Right?

"Don't you die on me, you little fairy," Just want I wanted to hear before I died. I gave him a smile mixed with pain. I still wanted to tell them that I loved them, always did. "Come on, Jack, please!" I gave Bobby a look that said 'I can't'. "You gotta fucking breathe!" Bobby grabbed half of my chin. "Come on!"

Hear it came. I wasn't ready for this. I tired once again to take a breath, but all I managed to do was cough. I moaned out of pain. My breathing stopped. Heart beat faintly. My head fell limply to the left.

"Jack! Jack!" was the last thing I heard from Bobby as everything went silent. The darkness completely consumed me. I was going to be free of this damned life, but I would be leaving my brothers all alone just after mom died. No, I couldn't do that. I wanted to go back. Be with my brothers. I needed to be with them.

"Jack, come on." Bobby. I went to the voice but the darkness held on tight taking me away. "Jack, Please!" I can't. Sorry… Bobby.

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TBC. I'll up date as soon as i can. 


	2. Pain

**3rd person POV**

Bobby sat beside his unconscious brother, holding his hand tightly. Bobby's eyes were glued to the machines that were hooked up to Jack's body.

Dr. Mult looked at Jack's chart, then spoke. "Mr. Mercer as you know, we done everything we can for him. He lost a lot of blood and for forty-eight minutes had no oxygen. For that, there might be a chance of brain damage-."

"Yeah, yeah I know. He'll need a lot of care if that happened." Bobby cut off the doctor.

"As I was saying. If he wakes up he'll need a lot of physical therapy. There might be a chance he may not walk again, but if he does walk he can't do a lot of thing like: run, play hockey (ice or rollerblade), ride a bike, skateboard, surf, extra. Also once he does wake up he'll show a flow of emotion. Anger, hate, and depression. He might ignore you and your brothers, might be distant, and might not talk much." Dr. Mult wrote down the list of things that jack wouldn't do for a while and life time. He handed it over to Bobby. "Make sure you and him follow the rules."

Bobby took the list. He hated doctors, hospitals over all. They never really helped people. They just say they do, but they don't. sometimes they make it worse. They leave stuff inside you, or not care for you. The reason Bobby hated the hospital is because they didn't save his mother. They told him they did everything they could but she still died of cancer. Little did he know, there's was not much you can do for cancer, he was only four.

"I'll have a nurse to check on him later." The doctor said then left the room.

Only Bobby and his brother was left. The only sound was the machines beeping. Jack had no color to his skin except his eyes. The were an orangey brown, like the vampires in queen of the damned. His hair a mess from the people moving him around. Tubes and I.V.s were all over him. He looked like shit. Worse than shit, like death. He looked like a grim reaper but in a young body.

Bobby didn't look too good either. He was pale and had bags under his eyes. He too was thinner from not eating much over the three weeks his been in the hospital. Bobby neglected to slick back his hair too. He hasn't done much of anything but stayed near he brother. Bobby didn't spend all his time there, he got a at the market near the basketball court. He got the job to pay the medical bills and pay for the housing bills.

Bobby squeezed his younger brother's hand. "Jackie.. I." He bowed his head. "I love you. That day you got shot… I thought I lost you. A that moment my whole world fell apart. I murdered Sweet in cold blood. He crew dumped his body in the lake. We went to the police. Ha we, Jer, Ang, and I got our asses kicked. I felt so alone that day. Angel had La Vida Loca and Jeremiah had Camile, I had no one. I felt so alone… abandon like. You abandoned me Jack. You were the good in me, you held the evil within. When you left the evil broke through.

Every night I had nightmare that you came back and blamed me for your death and everything that happened to you. When I got the news that you were alive I broke down. I don't think I cried so much in my life. When I was gone for those three or four years I felt empty, lost. Just a soulless being. Then I found out mom died. I came home, then I saw you at the funeral. I was still lost, till you gave that speech. It brought back good memories of the first time I saw you, the first time mom left you alone with me, the time I taught you how to play hockey, and all the other times I taught you stuff. Hockey, I was so funny now of how you played. You didn't know a stick from a puck. It took you a year to skate and barely hit the puck." Tears swelled up in his eyes.

Bobby laid his head down on the bed. Tears fell from his eyes and onto the white bed sheets. Remembering the good times brought up November twenty-ninth, they day he though he lost Jack. It pained Bobby to see his brother all hooked up. He wants to just put him out of his misery. There's a slim chance that he'll wake up. Jack's body isn't even fighting to live, it just there, doing nothing. Bobby was almost tempted to just pull the life support plug.

Bobby couldn't take it anymore seeing someone he loved like this, so he got up and went down the four fleets of stairs to get some coffee.

**Jack's POV**

A pressure of air sounded in my ears followed by a steady beeping. I slowly opened my eyes to a pure, bright white room. Am I in heaven. No I couldn't be… could i? I don't remember anything that happened to me. Did I hurt myself or did someone hurt me? My leg hurt and my arm too. What happened?

I tired to breathe in but couldn't. Something was blocking my air way. I was getting air to my lungs though. How? I moved my head slightly to the left and I felt something in my throat. I took my left hand up and pulled out the long clear tube from my throat.

It hurt to pull it out. It hurt my throat and my right shoulder. An image of a gun pointed at me, came across my eyes. What was that, a memory? _The gun went off hitting in the shoulder. I fell to my knees in pain. Blood poured out of the bullet wound. Again the gun was pointed at me but this time at my head. Blackness then the gunner was on the ground dead. I got up as a group of men with guns got out of a van. Pain in my right knee. I fell into the snow. Screaming voices and guns, then nothing. A man kneeled over me crying and talking. Vision blurred and then to see nothing._

I remember now. There was a shoot out the house. I got shot twice. My brothers fought, with guns, and killed them. Bobby and everyone tired to get help for me. They couldn't do anything to save me.

The brightness faded. I saw tones of needles in my arms. The tube I pilled out of my throat was clear. Lots of machines next to the bed. A chair was to the left of the bed, someone must of sat there. The walls were an off white, but the door was gray. I had no idea were I was or who was here.

I ripped out the needles that were imbedded into my skin. Blood slowly flowed out of the little holes. I swung my legs off to the side of the bed and down till my feet touched the floor. I pushed up with both of my arms, hurting my right one. I had to get out of here. Go find Bobby or Angel or Jerry. Once I was finally up I took one step and fell to the ice cold titled floor, in pain. Tears came to my eyes. The pain wasn't extreme though.

I went to pull myself again but I heard foot steps near the gray door. Fear ran through my veins. There was no place to hide fast except under the bed. I crawled under with my good arm and leg. The knob turned making a clicking noise. I held my knees tightly to my chest. All that ran through my head was 'please don't find me. Don't look under the bed.'

The pair of feet didn't move from the door. This could be a good thing or a bad thing. All I could think of was that this is Victor Sweet. He kept me alive to trap and kill my brothers. Wait if knows that I'm gone he'll go after them again to get them defenseless. I couldn't do that to them nor can I possibly let them torture me to get to them. Either was I felt trapped and ten times more scared then before.

The feet moved closer as did I to the wall. I held my breath and shut my eyes expecting the worse to happen.

"Jack." The voice sounded familiar. I couldn't place whose voice it was. One thing I did know was that it wasn't sweet. I never heard his voice. "Jack! Jackie! Jack were are you?"

No one calls me 'Jackie' except Evelyn and my brothers. It couldn't be Evelyn she's no longer here. It either Bobby, Angel, or Jerry. Or this could be a trick. I'm so confused, I don't know weather to got to the person or just stay here. I couldn't tell if this person is one of my brothers or Sweet's guys.

"Jackie!" my body started to shake bad. "Here you are. Jack come here." I shook my bed. "It's me Bobby."

I opened my eyes. There was Bobby, except he looked extremely tired and thinner. I didn't fully trust my eyes. I could be seeing him cause I wanted to see him. That's happened before when I was younger. I saw everyone as scary demons only out to hurt me, or people that looked like an angel but was a demon. What made this any different from then? I did the only thing I could think of.

"H-how do… I kn-know it's real-ly you? H-how do… I-I know th-at your n-not an im… pos… poster?" I said through a horse voice. It was horse because for however long I was out.

"Well, you were nine going on ten when mom took you in. You hated to be called Cracker Jack, and you are currently nineteen." I'm still not sure. Anyone who hung around us Mercers knew all of that. "Damn, Jack I wish you would come here. I love you. You know it's me. If you're not sure then you have that scar going down from your left shoulder to the center of your spinal cord."

No one knew the but Bobby. He saw it when I was changing my clothes from the orphanage. He scared me because I thought I was alone and he just slammed opened the door. I got that scar from the last family before Evelyn. That man had a butcher's knife and he threw it at me. The was longer than it was now, but I was hospitalized for two weeks. I had nerve damage, I couldn't fell anything on my back. Slowly that went back to normal.

I dragged myself to Bobby's welcoming arms. I cried because I was happy and I didn't care if he knew and cracked a joke. Nothing could spoil this moment for me. "B… obby."

"Jack." Bobby picked me up and placed me on the bed. He pulled the blankets up to my chest. "Jack, I… I though I lost you. I was nothing without you. You are my salvation from this hell hole. We missed you."

Bobby broke down crying. This is the second time in my life I seen him cry. Both times were because of me. That made me feel bad. I've caused everyone so much pain. I hated that. Everyone I met I caused them pain, emotional. I'm useless. No good to this world. I should have died. I know I said that I wanted to be with them. That was a lie. I wanted to die for a while now. I had nothing to live for.

"Jack," Bobby embraced me. "I want you to stay with me. I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you, I'll go crazy. You're the only one who is keeping me sane. You're my light in the dark. I know it sounds stupid, but true."

I never knew I meant so much to him. I'm the only to keep him in check. Part of me is glade I mean so much to him the other part doesn't believe. I never fully trusted anyone nor wanted to be a part of them. The reason is I been hurt so much when I started to like or trusted someone, so I shut myself from them. I'm just a wondering soul waiting to leave, but Bobby… having so much, uh what do you call it faith, trust in me. What should I say? What should I do? I just sat there, staring at the wall.

"I killed Sweet." I felt a pair of eyes on me. I verted my eyes towards his. "Cold blood. We dumped his body in the lake. I did it for mom and for you. We fixed up Ma's house. We had to replace a lot of stuff. Your room is the same. I haven't changed a thing. I couldn't. I was too painful. Jack. We all couldn't stand what happened three weeks ago."

My eyes widened. I've been out for three weeks. I was in a coma. I couldn't believe it. Bobby has been with me the whole time? He sure does look like it.

"Have you-." I was cut off by the door opening up.

A tall man in a white lab coat walked in. he had a note pad in his hand. He looked up at us. When he did his eyes grew ten times their normal size. "It's good to see you awake Mr. Mercer." The man tired to hind his shock but it didn't work. Inwardly I laughed. "Uh, I'll need to examine you to make sure everything is good."

The man walked towards me. He pulled out a stethoscope and put it on my back. "Breathe in." I did as he said. "Now out." He made a grunting sound then moved it to my chest. I repeated the process.

The man looked at my eyes, my reflexes, and my wounds. Everything checked out then he asked me to speak. I did but it sounded horse and raspy. I also stumbled over a few words but other than that all was good with my speaking. The wrote down how my examination went.

"Alright Mercer, everything is good except you'll need a lot of physical therapy. If you can walk it wont be for a month to two months. Now I told your brother this but I'll tell you too. You wont be able to run, play hockey, roller blade, extra. Also you will experience lots of moods swings. Other than that you will live a normal happy life."

Normal? Happy? Not doing anything is normal. I'm going to become a couch potato all my life. This sucks. How much more is my life going down the drain? I'm not going to have no social life. I'm not going to get married, leave this city, or have kids. God should just kill me now, let me leave.

"Dr, Mult? I can't afford hiss therapy, hell I can barely pay his medical bills. If we did the therapy I'll have to sell the house." Bobby said bitterly at the Doctor.

"Okay. I'll give you a list of the things he'll need to do for his leg and arm, but I want to see him once every two weeks. Alright? It will be free of charge." Bobby nodded. Again going to be a couch potato plus being stuck with Bobby till I can sort of be on my own. That's just peachy. "Okay. He can go home tomorrow… at noon." With that the Doctor left.

I sat there, my eyes felling heavy. I don't know why I slept for three weeks. I slowly fell into a dreamless, dark sleep, hoping it wasn't jus an illusion. That I was alive.

**The next Day**

Why was my whole body vibrating? This isn't normal. I know most beds don't vibrate. I opened my eyes. A dark brown leather seat was in front of me. I looked out the window, trees and building flew past. I'm in a car, but who's. my eyes moved to the driver seat. A man with a beard and a beanie on his head was driving. Bobby. I was in Bobby's car and he's taking me home so I'll be a fucking couch potato my whole life.

Why did I have to get shot and live? Why not, not get shot or get shot and died? I really don't want to be this way my whole life. I want to go out and do stuff. I want to be a big time rock star. I want to travel the world with my future girl. If I ever get one. The more Bobby cracks gay jokes the more I think I am. Deep down I'm not gay but my head isn't sure. I guess you can call it undecided, but I've always been attracted to women. I don't know. I guess I have plenty of time to figure it out.

"Hey there Cracker Jack. Did you have a good dream of your future boyfriend, Christian Slater?" Who the hell is Christian Slater? I never even heard of him.

I looked out the window ignoring him. I was happy to hear him call me 'fairy' when I thought I was going to die. Now I hate it like always. Some days I wonder if the reason Bobby calls me gay is because he is. I have never seen him with a woman let alone talk to one, except Sofi and Camille. He always wants to play hockey or some sport with just guys in it. I guess I have time to think about that too.

"_This world will never be_

_What I expected_

_If I don't belong_

_Who would of guessed it_

_I will not leave alone_

_Everything that I own_

_To make it feel right_

_Because it not too late_

_It's never too late," _I started to fade in my singing but continued in my head. Singing always makes me feel better when I was down or mad.

The rest of the car ride was quiet. No one talked, the radio wasn't on. The only sound was the car. I was glade it was quiet. I really didn't want to talk or hear Bobby's voice. All I wanted was peace and I got it right now.

We pulled up the driveway. Jerry walked down from the house to the car. He opened up the passenger door. Jerry put down the seat to give me room to get out. I carefully moved myself to the passenger seat. Jerry grabbed hold of my left arm. He pulled gently and I pushed with my left leg. My leg gave out and I fell down onto my knees.

_I leaned forward with my right arm to support my weight. I saw a pair of feet step towards me. I lifted myself up. The gun was pointed right between the eyes. I closed them. A gun fired. I opened them up to see my shooter with six bullet holes in his chest. He fell down onto the street._

_A roaring sound neared to where I was kneeling. A group of me in masks with guns in there hands. I got up and ran towards my brothers. I was half way to the side walk when bullets hit my knee. A sound came out of my mouth was I fell. My right arm stretched out to break my fall but it gave out. I grabbed hold of the pole._

"Bobby!" I yelled. All I could feel was pain.

_Tears fell down my face. Slightly freezing do to the cold._

"Jack."

"Bobby!"

_I fell away from the pole and onto my back in agony. I was screaming. Pain filled my whole body. Life was draining, my life out on the snow. I turned my head towards the house._

"BOBBY!"

"Jack!" A pair of strong arms wrapped around my back. "Jackie, it's okay. I'm here. It's just a bad memory."

My vision cleared to normal, not terrifying scene. The house wasn't shot up. It was fixed. It was just a bad memory. I took a deep breathe as I grabbed hold of Bobby's Jacket tightly. Remembering that day scared the shit out of me. I don't, I don't want that memory. It just brought up a lot of pain and heartache. I wish that I would of forgotten it when I woke up. If it did it probably would came to me sooner or later.

"I promise you Jack that nothing will ever hurt you again." Bobby whispered in my ear then kissed it.

"You truly promise, Bobby?" I looked into Bobby's eyes to see if would lie or not.

"Cross my heart, Jackie." He was telling the truth. I smiled at knowing that. "Jer, go clean off the couch. Jack's going to sleep there for a couple of days."

"Alright." I watched Jeramiah go into the house.

An odd feeling came over me as I was in Bobby's arms. I felt safe, warm, and very protected. I loved this feeling. For the first time in my life, I felt like I belonged. I belong here with the only people who truly care for me. For the longest time I wanted this, except for death. I wanted this, this moment to last forever.

"Come on, Jack. Let's get you out of the cold." I nodded as Bobby picked me up bridle style.

He walked up to the steps of the porch. Along the way Bobby stumbled here and there do to my weight. I wasn't that heavy it was just that I weight a few pounds more than he was use too. Bobby made it up the steps and into the house it's self. He walked into the living room.

Jerry was sitting in an arm chair as we entered. Bobby placed me down on the couch then took a seat on the arm rest next to my head.

Later that night I was up crying. My pain medication wore off two hours ago. I've been keeping my crying quiet. I didn't wont Bobby to rush down here for something stupid. He would make fun of me, I know he would.

I greeted my teeth and held on tightly to the blanket. The pain was so intense that I thought my wounds were opening up and bleed. I wanted to scream and rip something apart. My whole body shook, finally a loud scream left my mouth. The tears flowed down my cheeks faster than before. I hated this, it felt worse than that day three weeks ago.

I heard foot steps coming down the stairs. Damn, here comes Bobby. Great here came all the cracks about how I'm such a baby. I'm a man I should tuff it up. I really don't want to hear him make fun of me. I just want to be left alone.

"Jack, are you alright?" Bobby asked with sleepiness in his voice. He stopped right in front of the couch.

I didn't answer him. I didn't even look at him. I just stared at my feet crying.

"Are you in pain?" Still didn't answer. "Jack I want to help you." Bobby lifted up my upper half the sat down. I elbowed him. I did want him near me. "I'm not leaving you. I want to help you. Can you just let me help you?"

" I don't want your help." I said through tears. "why do you want to help a little pussy like me?"

"because you're not, and I love you." There was something in his voice when he said 'I love you'. It didn't sound like a love like family but more of like a couple would say. Did he really love that way? Or did it just come out that way? I guess I would find out, now's not the time. "I'll always be here if you need anything now or ten years from now. Don't be afraid to ask my anything and I mean anything."


	3. Different

**Sorry it took so long to update but from now on i'm going to update every weekend, as long as there isn't anything like family business.**

Chapter Three: Different p1

I woke up to something falling down and crashing onto the floor in the kitchen. That was followed by a stream of cuss words. I looked over to the clock; it read 6:20 in the morning. Why in the hell was Bobby up so early for? I knew no to go to the bathroom. It was too early for a beer. So why was he up so early? I just laid there waiting for Bobby to come out of the kitchen.

Just a few seconds later he did. He walked out of the kitchen only wearing a pair of boxers, and holding a bowl in his hands. Bobby took a sit at the table. He was about to take a bite of the cereal when he saw me awake. He squinted his eyes, I guess to make sure I was really up.

I cocked my head to the side, indicating I wanted to know why he was up.

He took a breath then spoke. "I'm getting ready to go to work." Mentally I laughed. The hot headed, bad ass, Michigan maller had a job. It's the end of the world. Things are going to start floating up into space. People in their graves are going to turn. Plants are going to burn and die. Life was we know it was done. (A little over dramatic, I know.) But the thought of bobby having a job was weird. I didn't know anyone was stupid enough to hire him. They must been really desperate. "I leave for work here in a few minutes and I won't be back till the afternoon. Angel's coming over to watch you."

Angel, Watch me. He must have lost his mind. Angel doesn't know two shits about watching someone. The last time he watched me, I came home with a bloody nose. The times before that he would not pay attention to me and just watch T.V. I ended up cutting my arm and had to get twenty stitches. All I wanted was a sandwich and some water. Then another time, Mom, Jerry, and Bobby went out and left me and Angel alone at home. Ten minutes after they left he did. He went to Sofi's house. I was scared out of my mind. I thought that everyone had abandoned me. It took me another eight months to trust them again.

Bobby finished up his bowl then exited the dinning room. Couldn't Bobby get Jerry to watch me? Hell even Sofi. I don't want Angel to watch me. But there's no time to get anyone else now, he was on his way. This sucked, big time.

Bobby walked into the living room five minutes later fully dress in blue jeans and a hoodie. He lifted up my legs then took a seat. "Sorry about the noise Jackie. The glass just slipped out of my hands. Are you hungry?" He asked rubbing my sore knee.

I winced at his touch. Did he really forget about my knee? I just wanted to slug him but I was still so tired. "No. That hurts." I said bitterly.

"What?" He asked confused. I looked at my knee. "Oh, sorry. I want you to eat something today. You haven't eaten in a while. I can't have you starve to death. Deal?"

I looked at the far wall. "Whatever."

Just at that moment the front door opened. An irritated Angel walked in. He was mumbling something as he took a seat in the arm chair next to the fire place. Great crazilla was here and he didn't look to happy to be here. Today was really going to suck.

"Why you look mad, baby bro?" Bobby asked getting up from the couch, hurting me when he did.

"You calling me at five in the morning to watch him." Angel pointed at me. He had hate in his eyes. Damn, I hope that he'll get better by the end of this hell day.

"Jerry couldn't do it. Him and his family left last night to go to Washington, D.C. Only person that was left was you. All you have to do is help Jackie up the stairs to go to the bathroom and get him something to eat. Alright?" Bobby asked. Angel nodded. Bobby then bent down next to my face. "Don't forget to eat something. Oh if Angel doesn't help you out let me know and I'll take care of him. Bye." With that Bobby walked out of the house.

"So Jack, how are you feeling?" Angel asked. I just ignored him and went back to sleep.

I woke back up a few hours later by the clock. It was 10:30. I sat up and tried to stand up but I hell back down onto the couch. "Damn!" I yelled. I needed to go to the bathroom. I really, really needed to go. How was I going to go to the bathroom? I didn't know where Angel was. I tried once more to get up and this time I started to fall forward.

I closed my eyes. I feared of hitting the floor but I didn't. I fell into something hard but soft. I looked up and saw Angel. He didn't let me fall. How sweet of him, not. I won't forgive him for all the things he put me through.

"Have to go to the bathroom?" I nodded.

Angel took me up stairs to the bathroom. I really hated him carrying me. I hate it when anyone carries me. Any who I did my business then went back down stairs. (I doubt you wanted to know what I did." Angel placed me down on the couch, and then he took a sit next to the record player. He turned it on.

"So how are doing?" Was he serious? I couldn't walk and I don't even look good. I look like death itself… worse than death. Some days I wondered, hell even Jer and Bobby wondered if he ever uses his brain. "Hello, earth to Jack. Is anyone home?"

I looked out towards the stairs. I really didn't want to talk to him. He can clearly see that I wasn't doing well. If he changed the subject, I might want to talk. It's a strong might.

Ever since I came home for mom's funeral, I haven't talked much to Angel. I talked to him when I first saw him, when Sofi was at the Lawyer Guy's house, and when I was in the shower. Those are the only times I talked, only times. I guess I have such a block to talk to him. Hell I was the same with Jerry. When I thought I was dying, the person I called out for was Bobby. Maybe I called his name out was because he was always there for me, even when he didn't want to.

"Hey Cracker Jack, fantasying about your boyfriend or are you just a retard?" I still just looked away. I wasn't about to have a conversation with some who called me a 'retard'. "Fine, as far as I care, you can rot like the trash you are."

Angel get up and left, slamming the door behind him. I flinched at the sound. Damn, he has some anger issues to work through. He would get pissed off if I said the same thing to him.

I just sat there on the couch. A few minutes later I got really annoyed. Angel didn't turn off the record player. I rolled of the couch and crawled over to the record player. It was very painful. I used my bad arm and leg. Stupid me, but I couldn't stand the music. I reached up and turned it off. I started to go back but I couldn't I was in too much pain.

_**2 hours later**_

The front door opened. If it was Angel I'm was so going to kick his ass, for leaving me here all alone and for calling me retard also for leaving the stupid hippie music. Why is Angel so resentful of me? I never did anything to him. I never touched him. Always was too afraid too, or yelled at him. So why does he treat me bad?

"Jack!" Bobby yelled. "What are you doing on the floor? Where's Angel?" He had a hint of anger in his voice. I knew he was going to be furious with Angel and I didn't want to hear Bobby yell. He scares me every time he does. It would bring up bad memories.

"Went to turn off this stupid thing and now I can't get back to the couch. Oh, Angel left."

"Why the hell did he leave?" Bobby bent down next to me.

"Because I ignored him." I looked away from Bobby. I knew he would think it childish to not talk to someone. He knows how I am when someone calls me a name too. I didn't want him to yell at me for something stupid to him.

"Why?" I looked up at him confused. He would be all hot headed about what I did. He was being nice. That scared me more than mean Bobby.

It took me a while to answer him. I was a little scared of how he would react to what I tell him. The reason I ignored Angel… is because he called me a 'retard'. But before I didn't want to talk to him because he could see how I felt. I looked like shit. Then right before he left he said 'fine as long as I care you can rot like the trash you are.'"

"Damn that Angel." Bobby picked me up rather rough. He took me over to the couch then threw me onto it. He walked into the dinning room and picked up the phone.

Just as I feared, he got mad. But I thought he would get mad at me for ignoring Angel all because he called me a retard. I knew he would get mad at Angel but not this bad to where I get hurt in the process. I hated fighting. I hated yelling too. Every and anything brought up my past. All I wanted to do was erase it. Erase all of it up till the point Evelyn took me in. Even then some memories there too…

"Angel!" I jumped at the name. "Pick up the phone! Pick up the god damn phone now!"

I gripped my pant legs tightly. My body started to shake. I didn't want Bobby to yell. Why do people have to yell? It's pointless. All it does is get you in more trouble. It never solves anything. I had never yelled at anyone. If I would have raised my voice, I would get beaten. I've been molded into a big wuss. I'm afraid of everything. But as time went on a few things I was scared of, I'm not anymore.

"Why the hell did you call Jack 'trash'? You had no right to call him that or a retard. He's been through a lot of shit. He's going to be different, he almost died… I know that. You would be the same as him if that happened to you. …No I'm not going to fuss at Jack. As far as I can see, he did nothing wrong. You knew how was feeling. I wouldn't want to be talking much if I were him too!" Bobby yelled at Angel. He was sticking up for me; he has never done that before. He would always join in. it was nice to hear him fight back. "I don't want to see you anywhere near my house again!" Bobby hung up the phone.

I saw Bobby walk back in, he looked extremely pissed. I gripped my pant legs tighter. I didn't know what he was going to do. When he is mad he'll take it out on the closest thing or person and it didn't end pretty

Bobby took a sit on the couch next to me. I didn't make eye contact with him. I was afraid oh how he would look at me. I hated it when people looked at me and judged me with their angry eyes. I would have normally ran away from them but I couldn't. So I just sat there waiting for Bobby to say something.

"Jack." Here it comes. I knew it. I'm going to get one of his speeches. "Let's do you exercises." That surprised me. But it could be a trick. He was just say to do them but he was planning on torturing me that way. "I'm not mad at you. Ha, saying that brings back memories of you as a kid. You always freaked out when I was angry with someone else. I would have to say that about three or four times before you calmed down." Bobby paused. "I'm not going to have to repeat my self am I, Cracker Jack?"

I shook my head no. come to think of it Bobby has never done anything to hurt me, in anyway shape or form. His jokes don't hurt, just angers me. Thinking about it, I guess sometime in my life I have been attracted to some guys. Does that mean I'm Bisexual? It must but in that past two years I haven't been attracted to men, even through my whole life, girls have been in my world. I like them; I've been attracted to them for ever. I was confused. I guess I would have time to think things over more.

"Earth to Jack anyone home?" I looked up at Bobby. "Daydreaming?"

I shook my head. I should start my physical therapy exercises, if I ever want to do anything again. "Let's get this out of the way."

"Okay. If memory serves me right, you'll need to push against something with both your arm and leg. For arm its self little movements and for your knee, bending it. Let's get started. First I want you to push as hard as you can on my shoulder."

Bobby moved and sat on the table I lifted up my right arm, stiffly I might add, and placed my hand on his shoulder. Slowly I added pressure. Each time I pushed, the more my shoulder hurt. I let up on his shoulder.

"Don't give up," Bobby got right in my face. "You can do this. I know you have the will power to do this. Don't let the pain stop you, I haven't"

What did he mean by that? I knew for a fact that he didn't feel pain for mom's death. He felt anger. So what could have me meant by 'I haven't'? I would have to find out.

"Jack."

I pushed a little bit harder on Bobby's shoulder. I pushed until his shoulder was pushed back behind him. That hurt so much it brought tears to my eyes.

"Now move it around in circles." I did as he said. That hurt a lot too. "Now for your knee. Push as hard as you can against my hands."

Bobby picked up my foot and steadied it in his hands. I pushed against his hands, I didn't get but an inch before I broke out in tears. My foot dropped from his hands and I doubled over. I cried into my knees. That was worse than being shot. It felt like breaking my leg and the bone going through the skin. There was no way I was going to try again.

Arms wrapped around my upper body. "It's okay Jack. We'll just finish tomorrow. Now time to get you a bath, you stink man."


	4. Hummor

**_Chapter 4: Hummor_**

Bobby picked me off the couch, then very, very slowly walked towards the stair case. Once there he tired to step up but almost fell backwards. He put me down on my feet.

"You'll have to hop up, other wise I would be in the hospital."

I nodded. Bobby took my left arm and put it around his shoulders and used his right to wrap it around my waist. He got onto the first step then I. when I landed I almost fell back taking bobby with me. But he grabbed hold of the railing. It took fifteen minutes to reach the landing. That was a bitch. I kept using my bad arm to support myself and standing full pressure on my right leg.

We entered the bathroom. Bobby set me down on the toilet. He left for a second then back with a towel in his hands. He placed it on the sink.

"Uh, I want you to try to take off your shirt. If you can then you can get the rest of your clothes off. If not then I'll have to help your ass." Bobby said as he lend on the door frame.

I grabbed the bottom of my shirt then pulled up. I couldn't get the shirt past my chest without hurting both of my arms. Its been so long since I moved them. Bobby sighed then made his way over to me. He lifted up my shirt getting it off my right arm then dead. He gently pulled it off the rest of the way. He then stood me up.

"At least unbutton and unzip your pants."

I did as he said. He helped me take off my pants. Then I was just left in my black skull boxers. Bobby helped me into the shower.

"Take off you boxers in here."

I very carefully took off my boxers. I had to lend up against the wall to support myself. I didn't want to fall and bust opened my head naked in the tub. That would be embracing.

"You got them off?" I threw them the best I could out of the shower. "Alright go ahead and turn on the water. I'll stay in here in case you need any help."

I turned the water on warm. The water felt so good on my shoulder and knee. It was like the water was massaging them. It was wonderful.

I put body wash on one of the sponges then washed my whole body the best I could. I almost fell when I tried to get my back. It was hard to get the left side of my body because of my right arm. It felt like something was poking at or in my shoulder, so I gave up washing that side. Now was time for my hair. I lifted up my hands to see if I could but couldn't.

I didn't want to do this but had no choice. "Bobby?" I asked.

"Yeah, Sweetheart?"

I sighed at the stupid nick name he called me for years. "I need help washing my hair."

The show curtain flew open. I jumped slightly, I didn't expect him to open the curtain. "Hand me the shampoo."

I handed over the honey and jasmine shampoo to him. (just so you know that's bobby shampoo.) He put some on my head then scrubbed it. After about a minute he raised off his hands and then closed the curtain. I just stood there in deep thought.

It felt weird when bobby was helping me undress. Not weird in the sense I was uncomfortable. I felt completely at ease with it. I shouldn't be I should have been uncomfortable aren't I? Wait could I possible be attracted to him? No that can't be. He is my brother, but he also isn't my blood brother. I did and do consider him my blood brother. He was always there for me, helped me out. I don't want to lose that just because I might have feeling for him. Even if I did I wouldn't stay around him.

"Jack? Are you done yet?" Bobby's voice broke through my thoughts.

"Y-yeah!" I turned off the water.

Bobby handed me the towel from earlier. I dried myself off the absolute best I could, then wrapped the towel around my waist. Bobby leaded me a hand out of the tub.

"Brush you teeth."

I grabbed my brush and got it wet. I put the tooth paste on it then scrubbed my teeth and tongue. Two minute later I spat out the paste then raised my mouth out.

We left the bathroom and went into my cold room. Bobby was right. He didn't do anything to it. It had glass and wood everywhere. Bullet holes in the walls. The only thing he did do to my room was put up a piece of plywood over the window. My two guitars were totaled. I let out a frustrated sigh.

Why did Sweet have to come to our house and shoot it up? We didn't go anywhere near his crib. I lost everything I ever had. Guitars, posters (autographed), my first hockey stick, and my stuff wolf Bobby gave me a month after I arrived at this house. Everything I own all had holes or ripped apart. Everything lost, nothing left to call mine anymore.

I looked down at the floor. I had nothing. All of mom things were undamaged, Angel's things were all gone, he took them when he moved with Sophia. Jeremiah's things haven't been here since he married Camille. Bobby never really had anything here, he really didn't need to. He was always gone.

"Jack, are you all right?" I looked up at Bobby. I knew sadness shown in my eyes. He looked around the room. "Sorry about the room." He took a seat next to me. "I just couldn't bring myself to come in here and fix it. This is the first time I've been in here."

I gave him a knowing nod. I knew what he meant; I felt the same way about thing house when I first saw it. I didn't want to come in with out mom greeting me. My body shivered to the chilling air. Bobby noticed and he put my black and gold hoody on me. He handed me a pair of plain boxers. After I struggled to put those on Bobby slipped a pair of black sweet pants on me.

"Hey, when you can walk, and do more things with your arm, I promise we'll fix up your room." Bobby placed his hands on both of my legs. "We'll repaint it any color or colors you want and anything you want in here."

"Why are you talking to me like I'm a little kid?" I hated that. I'm not a little kid or do I look like one.

Bobby chuckled. "Sorry, I just see you when you were nine."

I bent down to Bobby's face. "I'm not nine that was ten years ago. I'm grown now."

"I know you are, I … never mind. Do you want to watch a movie or something?"

I didn't want to do anything. I just wanted to lie here. I laid down on my bed. I looked up at the ceiling. It was an off white color. (random, I know.) I closed my eyes for a second. When I opened them I was staring into hazel eyes.

"What the – Bobby!"

Movie or not?"

"If it will get you out of my face then I'll watch a movie. Resident Evil: Apocalypse."

"Alright Sweetheart lets go."

Bobby helped me up and together we walked down the stairs, well I hopped. Bobby sat me down on the couch then went to find the movie. Once he found it, he popped it in. Bobby sat down rather close to me. Was he scared or am I just wanting him to be so close to me? I'm so damn confused, Maybe deep down I really, really liked him. More than a friend. Ah! I wish I could figure all this out.

Four hours passed since we watched Resident Evil. Bobby started to dinner. Oh the great lord help me. Bobby can't cook. The only thing I saw him half way cook was eggs, even then they weren't fully done or they were over done. He was going to poison me with food. What would people say when they asked how I did? I started laughing at all the comments, and people yelling at Bobby.

"What's so fucking funny in here?"

I looked at Bobby and laughed harder. I saw him saying 'I'm sorry Jack I didn't mean to kill you with my cooking.' I was laughing so hard that I was crying. Bobby walked up to me.

"What's so funny?"

"You'll … get… pissed at… me." I said between laughs.

"Stop!"

"I-I can't." I couldn't stop laughing it was to the point I couldn't breathe.

"Stop it now!" Bobby placed his hand over my mouth. I was still laughing. Bobby stuck his index finger in his mouth then put his finger in my ear. That worked. "Thank you."

I slapped Bobby's arm. That was the nastiest thing to do. I cleaned my ear off. "That was sick Bobby."

Bobby leaned down close. "I know. Time to eat." Bobby helped me up.

Together we walked to the dining room. I sat down on my own and got my own food. Bobby cooked Chicken 'n' Rice. It looked safe enough to eat. I picked up my fork then knife. I started to cut it but couldn't add enough pressure.

"Bobby?" He took my plate and cut up the chicken. It didn't look pink, that's good. The rice I'll just have to see. When Bobby finished cutting my chicken he gave it back.

I took a bite of the chicken and the rice. It tasted great, I was surprised. He followed the directions for once. I knew if he took his time he can do things.

"Bobby, are you gay?" I blurted out. For the past two days I wanted to know.

"What?!" He nearly choked on his food.

"Are… you… _Gay_? The reason I ask is because I've never seen you with a woman, always with men."

Bobby slammed his fists on the table. "I'm not fucking gay! I've had more girls than girls have looked at your white ass!"

I shook my head. "Bobby, when I was younger I followed you everywhere. All I saw was men. You were never with a girl. Why?"

"Jack for the last time I'm not gay." Bobby looked down. "I'm bisexual."

Silence then I busted out laughing. The big Michigan Maller is _bi._ Oh I could see him with a guy and that guy would be the girl in the relationship. At the wedding, oh that would be funny. I was laughing so hear tears formed in my eyes.

"_SHUT UP!" _Bobby yelled. I've liked the same guy for ten years!"

I stopped laughing. Bobby put his hands over his mouth. Who did he know for ten years? Suddenly it hit me, like a brick wall. My eyes widen at the thought of who it was…


	5. Freak Out

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_Chapter 5 is finally up. I would just like to say thanks for all the review, I love them and you too. This is the first time I got a lot of reviews, all my other stories all I got was like one. So thanks again for reviewing my story._

**Warning for Next Chapter: **_Lets just say that Jack does something that people think EMOs do all the time. cuts_

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**_Chapter 5: Freak out_**

Suddenly it hit me like a brick wall. My eyes widened at the thought of who it was… ME. He knew me for ten years. Everyone else he known for much longer. I dropped my fork onto my plate. I just stared at Bobby dumbfounded and shocked. That explains why he's been all close to me, lately. But that doesn't explain why I felt like it wasn't strange when he was undressing me earlier. I don't like him like that, I hope, I like him as the brother I never has when I was younger.

Bobby looked down at his plate in shame. I guess he really didn't mean to say that. I wounded how long he has had those feeling for me, if he liked me when I was mine, he would have been a child pervert. I just hoped that, that was just a recent thing.

A thought came to mind, what if he was talking about someone else. He could of met someone then years ago, and hasn't seen them for a while. Yeah I had to make sure, though.

"Bobby?" he looked up a little at me. "Is it me? Am I the one you…?"

Bobby gave me a slight nod. I just stared at him. How could this be? Why me? I never let him in, I always shut him out. I did that to everyone. This isn't right, no. Over the years I considered him to be my blood brother, now I don't even consider him my friend. It's just wrong, all of it.

"Bobby, what the hell is wrong with you?" my voice rose with anger. "You are fucking sick. I'm your brother, maybe not by blood but still. How long have you had these feeling for me? The whole time you known me or just in the past couple of years or just recent?"

"Fiver years now. I know it's wrong, believe me. I've been over it in my head, for two years. I've tried to talking myself out of it, I've gone far as to physically hurt myself when I felt or though that way. I knew and still know its very wrong, but I can't help it. If I could get rid of these feeling for you , I would, but I can't." Bobby looks serious but I didn't believe his tale.

"It's real hard for me to believe you. For the years that I've known you, if you had the slightest feeling for anything, you never let it go. An example is when I told you to stop the car. You told me to 'shut up and sit back', and kept on going after them without a second thought. We could have just waited till the blizzard passed then go and find them."

"I was just being hot-headed, you know that."

"No, I don't. you've always gone by how you felt. I did when I was younger, of course I've always felt scared, and so I acted to my feeling. Today you did just that. All you had to do was help me with my shirt, but you undid my pants too. You felt I couldn't do it on my own, so you went and did it." I was for once in my life getting angry at Bobby to the point I was yelling at him. I hated myself for it, I hate yelling.

"I promise you, jack. I didn't want to have these feeling. I want to love you as a brother not a lover. If you want I will swear that on the Bible." He was so calm about this.

"I wouldn't believe you then! Hell Bobby I've had crushes on a few guys but never my brothers." I can't deny it any longer, I'm bi. I had a few crushes but that's it. People around here would fuck you up if you were gay or even bi.

"I knew it, I knew you liked boys!" Bobby seemed to be happier at that.

"But I'm gay as you said I was, and that's the point. The point is you are… words can't describe what you are. All I'm going to say is this, stay away from me." I got up and limped my way into the living room.

I sat down on the couch. I turned on the T.V and changed the channel to Animal Planet. The crocodile hunter was on. . Bobby cleaned off the table. He was sitting there lying to me. He doesn't want to forget his feeling for me. He always wanted to go on what or how he feels at the time. It was bugging me. How could I live with him now, knowing he wants to… ew. I don't want to think about it.

Bobby walked into the living room and took a seat in the arm chair. "Jack." I turned up the volume to the T.V. "Jack? We need to talk more about this. It's eating my up for saying what I said and you're bottling up your feeling, and it isn't good for you."

I didn't respond to him. I said what I wanted to say to him. I didn't want to talk about it anymore. I want it to just die and be another bad memory. That's what I was filled up with, bad memories of any and everything that happened to me.

"Jack!" Bobby got a little louder. "Talk to me, please. I can't let this end this way." Still not talking. "Fine." He just sat there watching Animal Planet's funniest animals.

I feel asleep half way through the show. That terrible day played in my head.

_The door bell rang. I got up to answer the door. A guy walked away from the house. Me getting angry. A snow ball hit me in the face. I ran after him. He stopped. The gun fired. I fell down. Blood pouring out of my wound. The shooter had six bullet holes. A van stopped. A group of men got out. Running towards my brothers. Falling down into the snow. Screamed out foe Bobby. I rolled onto my back. My brothers all around me. Sad faces…_

I shot up grabbing onto the closest thing to me. That damn day. I hated it. I don't want that in my memory any more. It kills more each day. Part of me is glade, the other hates it. I'm torn between wanting to die and live. To die because I have nothing to live for anymore. I can't do anything right. All I'm good for if target practice or to relieve sexual tension. To live because of I don't want to leave my brothers, even if one is in love with me. I just don't know what to do.

The thing I held onto moved. I looked up at it. It was Bobby. It never fails; Bobby's always there when I needed someone. He took a seat next to me. I laid my head down on his shoulder.

It was weird when I grabbed him, he didn't hug me. Normally he would and I would of felt safe, nothing could hurt me. Now I felt alone and one simple thing could and would hurt me. I wanted to feel safe, but he's not willing to, probably because of what I've said to him. I don't blame him, not at all.

"Bobby?" I asked, but got no response. He was doing the same thing I did to him. I didn't care, I needed to talk about it even if he didn't talk back, I just really needed to do this. I need to let out my feelings about what happened to me, other wise I'm going to make myself sick. "I really don't care if you're listing to me or not, but I have to get this off my chest,

"I thought I was going to die. When you guys didn't came. I feared you all died. When I opened that door, I didn't think anything of it. When he called my a 'whore' I got so pissed that I didn't think. He threw a hard snow ball at me. I wanted to hurt him. Hurt him so bad because he hurt with what he called mom. Then he pulled out that gun, I felt guilty. Guilty of doing what I did and to all the things I put people through.

"When that bullet hit, it felt extremely bad. I don't even remember how it felt then. Then you guys came out and the guy was pointing the gun at my head. All I thought was this is the end, then you shot him. I was glade but then that van came. I wanted so badly to be with you guys. I got shot again. That was worse if memory serves. That's when I started to feel guilty for leaving you guys. You don't know how bad I needed you. Thinking of it now I was being selfish.

"My whole life flashed before my eyes. Everything from being abused, every which way, then to Evelyn taking me in, how I was, what I did in high school, then to what I wanted to do. I wanted to get married, have kids, leave this hell hole, and become a famous Rockstar, and having you as my brother forever.

"Then you came. I tired so hard to do what you asked me to do, but I couldn't. my life was going fast. You sad face made me think back, and that made me feel like shit. I hate you know for it, I hate you all for starting that whole mess. Jerry was the smart one, nor getting into it… right away. I was stupid to follow you and Angel. Come to think of it, I never done what I thought was right. I've always done what others told me to do. That stopped the day I got shot. I'm now going to think for myself. No ones going to make or tell me other wise."

The whole time Bobby didn't say a word. He was either still mad at me, letting me have my word, or asleep. Either way I was glade to get that off my chest. I haven't expressed myself openly before. Every time I would have I'd get beaten or locked up.

It felt nice, sitting here. It was so quiet that I feel asleep on Bobby's shoulder.

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Yay chapter 5 hoped you liked it. 


	6. Quiet

**Warning: _Jackie hurts himself (cuts)_**

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**Chapter 6: Quiet**

I awoke the next day to a quiet house. There were no sounds anywhere. Not from the kitchen or bathroom. It wasn't time for Bobby to go to work. Was he still asleep somewhere? "Bobby?" No answer. "Bobby!" I yelled, still no answer. He's gone. Bobby left me all alone.

What was he thinking? I can't walk, let alone climb stairs if I had to go to the bathroom. I can't reach up in the cabinets to get a bowl or a glass. Anything I can do is turn on the T.V. What am I suppose to do if the phone rings? This sucks. My fears are finally confirmed. I'm going to be a couch potato, yee! Not! I hate Bobby. He always done this when I was younger, I thought it was because he didn't like me.

Everyone leaves me. My birth mom died and left me with that mentally abusive father. He physically abused my mom. The cops left me with the nastiest orphanage in Detroit, and they left me with physically and sexually abusers. At school everyone hated me. The teacher would leave the room to go copy something or talk with another teacher and the students would sexually harass or hurt my in some way. Then there was a time I was left completely alone and my adoptive parents wouldn't come back.

Is that what Bobby did? Did he abandoned me because of what I said to him. I know I was right in my argument. It wasn't right or natural to love your brother as a lover. I was also wrong. I shouldn't have yelled at him like I did. I've never yelled at anyone before. That hurt him worse than I thought. My words weren't that harsh but my tone was. He was so use to my soft voice, even when I was mad. Then when he heard that, he didn't know what to do with me, so he left.

I shouldn't have yelled at him. I'm always doing something wrong. Getting into trouble with teachers, being where I shouldn't be, saying something I shouldn't have, or not saying anything at all. It's always something. I hate it. I hate feeling guilty for anything and everything. I felt guilty being born, for what people done to me, for letting mom and the others inside, for getting into drugs, for going out that door, for almost leaving them, for yelling at Bobby, and for being here now. My whole life quilt has haunted me. For nineteen years and I want it to end now.

I got up off the couch. I forced my way up the stairs, holding onto anything to help me walk. I grabbed hold of the rail and slowly hopped up the stairs. It hurt to jump up one step. My right foot would hit the step and that sent a wave of pain to my knee, but after ten minutes or so. I was at the top of the stair case. I limped into the bathroom, closing the door behind me.

I went over to the mirror. I looked at my reflection. I hated what I saw. A pale face with lifeless, dull eyes. A young man who couldn't do anything right, always wrong. Someone who doesn't have a mind of his own, always following someone else. That's how I got shot, I followed Bobby's and Angel's way. If I wouldn't have followed I wouldn't be in pain.

I also saw someone who was filled with so much fear and hate it poured out. A child who couldn't step or say anything before or I would get beat or something sexual. I hated myself. My life is one big fucking mess. People have molded me into a scared, emotional, sensitive, helpless, unwanted freak of a person. I hate it all. I hate myself, I hate everything about me. I'm useless and worthless. The only thing I'm good for is a punching bag and someone's sex thing. I never was good for anything else.

I punched the mirror. The glass broke under the force. I smiled at the pain I caused myself. Pain, I've know it for nineteen years. Pain came with everything, weather it was physical, mental, or emotional, it was there. Everyone feels pain once in a while, but I feel it all the time.

I sat down close the door, the tub against my back. I hate this feeling of being useless and helpless. If that's all I'm capable of then I don't want to live. I've only been happy two times my whole life. One was when I saw my brothers and when Bobby joked at Angel seeing Sofi. In the back of my mind was saying do it, go ahead. End your suffering. Should I just end my life now, but what if it don't work and someone finds me again. The Doctor surly would want to put me in the nut house. If I so succeed then all the pain and loathingness I have foe myself will be gone. But my brothers will be sad. Screw it, I'm doing it.

I grabbed a piece of glass that fell to the floor. I took a deep breath and then let it out. I put the shard to my right wrist. I added pressure down. I slowly moved the shard from left to right. One cut for yelling at Bobby. Two cuts for ignoring Angel. Three cuts for being stupid and getting shot. Four cuts for all the pain I caused people. And five for all the drugs I got into. All the quilt and pain flowed out dark red, from my wrist.

I took the shard in my right hand and did the same thing on that wrist. One for all the pain I caused Evelyn. Two for my weak mindedness. Three for letting my families hurting me. Four for wishing I was never born. And five for wishing to leave this world forever.

My life poured out of me. A smile came to my lips. My head span and I fell onto the floor. The last thing I heard before I passed out was fast paced foot steps up the stairs.

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**3****rd**** POV**

Bobby walked in the front door after a ten mile walk. He had to blow off some steam from last night, also to think all of what Jack said to him. Jack was right. How he felt towards him was very wrong, Bobby knew that. He hated himself for feeling this way for him. The one thing Bobby didn't count on was Jack yelling at him. He has never yelled before to anyone, for anything. It was so unlike him.

Then Jack said that he felt guilty for what happed, that day. It wasn't his fault. That of have happened anyway. If he didn't answer that door, they would of broken in and killed them all. Bobby couldn't understand why he felt guilty for that, but he understood why he felt guilty when he thought he was going to die. Bobby would have felt that way too if that were him. Hell he felt guilty not noticing what was going on quicker and just leaving him out there.

Bobby walked into the living room hoping to find a sleeping Jack, but he wasn't there. Bobby's heart beat ten times faster than normal. He hated when Jack did this too him. He would always get over panicked and start yelling at him, when Jack popped up. Jack would withdraw and run up to his room.

"Jack?" he asked calmly as he walked into the kitchen. No, Jack. He walked near the laundry room and peeked in. "Jack are you in here?" Panic formed in his voice. Bobby quickly looked into the dinning room, still no Jack. "Jack!"

Bobby ran down the hallway and made a sharp left to the stairs. He ran up them by two. Jack was really starting to scare him. 'He couldn't have gone outside. No, Jack wasn't that stupid. He's probably up in his room changing clothes or something.' Bobby thought. He reached the top of the stairs.

Bobby made his way toward Jack's room, but something out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. He looked down and saw red. Fear filled Bobby's body. He slowly opened the door to the bathroom. The red puddle got bigger. Soon he found a pair of feet, followed by legs then a torso. Jack was laying on the floor unconscious in a pool of his own blood. Bobby looked down at Jack's body to see what was bleeding. He noticed it was his wrists. 'Jack slit his wrists.'

Bobby whips out his cell phone and dials 911. He can't believe jack would do something like this. 'What made him want to do that? His life isn't that bad. If I had anything to do with it, I would get jacks ass back out on that ice.' There was no way in hell was Bobby going to let Jack be a couch potato. He knew Jack needed to be free, do what he wanted to do with his life. He wanted Jack to have that; he wants Jack to be happy. Not depressed.

"Hello?" the voice said snapping Bobby out of his trance.

"Yes. I need an ambulance at the Mercer's house right away. My baby brother, he slit his wrists. Please, hurry!" Bobby hung up after that.

Bobby ripped his shirt into wide, long piece of cloth. He then took them and wrapped them around each wrist tight to stop the blood flow. Bobby sat on the floor with Jack's head in his lap.

He couldn't figure out as to why Jack did that. He couldn't have done it because of last night. Bobby was at fault for saying what he said and what he said either. 'So what did he do it?'

**At Hospital**

At the hospital, Jack was once again all locked up with I.V.s, blood transfusion, heart monitor, and small tubes in his nose to breathe. He looked worse than before. This time Jack lost over half of his blood. His face was a little sunken in from the lose of blood. Over all this was the worse he has looked when he came in cause of drugs and just two days ago.

Bobby and Dr. Mult stood outside of Jack's room. Bobby had the feeling of angst. He wanted this all to be just a bad dream. He knew Jack wasn't stupid enough to do this to himself. Even if he was, why do it? He has had a good life with them. Not an extremely bad life with them. Maybe it was because of the shoot out.

"Okay let's go over this one more time." Dr. Mult took a short pause. "You went for a walk, while he was asleep. You came home and found him laying in his own blood?" Bobby nodded. "You have any idea as to why he tried to kill himself?"

Many thoughts ran through Bobby's mind. The shoot out, mom dying, their fight (more like listen while the other yelled). There was no way in hell was Bobby going to mention what he said to Jack. "No." He lied.

Dr. Mult wrote something down and his chart. "How has Jack been since we let him out?"

"He's been great. We've done his exercises. He had a few problems with that. He broke out into tears, because of the pain. He has eaten, not much because he was full with in six small bites. He got a shower. His attitude hasn't changed much, except for the fact that he tried to kill himself."

"Um hm." The Doctor walked off without saying anything.

Bobby looked into Jack's room. He still wished it was just a dream. 'Why did he do it? Why and how did he bring himself to do that?' Bobby had a hard time hurting himself back then. It would have taken him six or seven tries before the object made contact with his body. The look of Jack's wrists, he just done it without thinking about it.

Bobby felt guilty for even saying anything to Jack. He should have just kept his mouth shut. He felt like he was reasonable for what happened. Maybe if Bobby never said anything, Jack wouldn't be here now. Bobby couldn't even bring himself to go in his room to hold Jack's hand. He feared to touch him, like his skin would burn his soul.

"Bobby!" Angel called out. Him and Sofi ran up to Bobby. "What happened?"

"He tried to kill himself." Bobby said with no emotion. "He slit his wrists, five times each. I don't understand why he did it? When I left, for a walk, he was asleep. When I came back, I found him in a pool of his own blood."

"Oh, poor Jack!" Sofi ran into Jack's room. She took a seat next to his bed and held onto his hand.

"What's going to happen to him?" Angel asked very concerned.

"I don't know," Tears swelled in Bobby's hazel eyes. "I-I just want him to live. Have his own life, the way he always wanted. I don't want Jack to hate me. I can't take him hating me. It'll kill me."

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TBC. Message me and tell me how you think Jack will react to Bobby and how you think Angel and Jerry will react to Bobby in love with jack 


	7. No Choice

Here you go Chap 7.

Happy Holidays everyone. I hope you keep safe and get what you wished for. Love y'all. xxxooo

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Chapter 7: No Choice

Angel gave his older brother a confused look. He couldn't figure out what Bobby meant by "Jack hating him." 'Did Bobby have anything to do with Jack's condition?' Angel thought. "What do you mean, About Jack hating you?"

"It's nothing." He walked to the opposite wall from Jack's room.

"Come on man, tell me what you meant by that. If it has anything to do with Jack, I have a right to know. He's my brother too. You can't just hide his problems, like you always do."

Bobby faced Angel. "You don't have a god damn fucking right to know! You called him trash, the left him! If you'd cared enough for him, feel his pain, you would have stayed and not left him like you did! I think it's pretty fucked up now that you care for him! Does he have to almost die before you have any feeling for him?"

"No. I've always cared for him."

"really? It sure as hell doesn't show! If you cared why did you leave him all alone? Why not just suck it up and do something to entertain yourself? You could have helped him with his exercise, hell you could have played a board game with him!"

Angel didn't answer. He looked away from his brother. Bobby was right, he could have just sucked it up, but no. Angel had to do things his way, the kiddy way. He always took the easy way out. He hated himself for it now.

"You don't have an answer do you?" Still no answer from Angel. "I thought so." With that Bobby walked away, for more than one reason. Part of it was because of Angel and the biggest part was Jack. He feared being near him. At the same time he longed to be near him. To hold his hand like he did before.

"Bobby! Bobby come back here! Our little brother needs his family." Angel yelled after him.

Bobby just gave him the bird.

"You asshole!" Angel walked into Jack's room. He took a seat opposite of his fiancé. He shook his head. "Bobby, Bobby."

"What was that all about?" Sofi asked. He face was red from crying.

Angel shrugged. "I don't know. All I wanted to know why he said that Jack would hate him. I'm wondering if he did this to Jack. I know it sounds wrong but what's there to think."

"Maybe Jack did this himself, because of what Bobby might have said to him." Sofi used her brains.

"Bobby wouldn't do anything like that. If what I just said id true then Bobby could have physically done this to him." Angel looked at Jack's pale face. "Jack, I'm sorry that this happened to you. I feel guilty now for calling you retarded and trash. I didn't mean it. I was being childish. I've should have handled things more maturely. Jack you need to stay with us. I don't want to lose you like mom."

Bobby paced back and forth in the lobby down stairs, just thinking. How could Jack react when he wakes? Would he hate that he was saved or happy? Would he try to kill himself again or not? How would his other brothers react once they found out that he was in love with his younger brother? Would they beat him, call the police, send him to the nut house, or take Jack away from him? All these questions flooded his mind. He needed to prepare himself for the worst.

Dr. Mult walked up to Bobby. He tapped him on the shoulder. Bobby turned around.

"Mr. Mercer, how are you holding up?"

"Good, I guess."

"Are you aware of Jack's past medical history?"

"Very little why?" Bobby was confused. Why did the doctor ask him about Jack's past visits?

"I see. Well this isn't his first time he tired to commit suicide. This is his sixth attempt. He's not mentally stable. He could be a danger to you or himself. Here is a suggestion of what I want to do for him. I want to send him to the Detroit institution." Bobby gave him a look that read 'what-the-hell-are-you-thinking'. "Wait before you say anything, hear me out. They will help him through what ever he is feeling and or dealing with, also get his mind frame to normal. They will take special care of him. It's the best thing we can do for him now."

"the best thing for him!" Bobby yelled. He couldn't believe that the doctor wanted to put him in the nut house. He knew it would make Jack worse than he is. "He needs his family right now, not some fucking strangers who lock him up for hours on end!"

"I know that he needs his family, but if you don't wont him to try to kill himself again you have to send him. This place will heal him from the inside out." The Doc said calmly.

Bobby opened his mouth to protest, but her knew the Doctor was right. He wanted his brother to get better, but he also didn't want him so far away. He knew for sure that jack would hate him for all eternity for even agreeing with sending him to an institution. Bobby Sighed. "Alright."

"I'll contact them now."

**The Next Day**

Bobby got up from his chair, in the waiting room, and walked to Jack's room. He stopped at the window and looked in. Jack was all alone. Angel and Sofi left the night and would be back later that night. He looked like he did when Bobby found him in his own blood. A young scared boy. His face read all. The smirk tried to hide it but Bobby could see right through it. Why did Jack always look so scared? He had people who want to protect him.

Bobby summed enough courage to walk into his baby brother's room. He took a seat next to the bed. He rubbed Jack's hand with his thumb. Bobby really hated to see his brother like that. In a bed with tubes up his nose and needles in his arms. It was sickening to see someone you loved laying there with all that hooked up in them. It broke Bobby's heart.

How was Bobby going to handle the situation with Jack when he awakes? He had no idea of how to start or even if he wanted to. He hated himself for even saying anything to Jack that resembles his sex life. He should have admired him from afar like he always done, but that pained him too. Those years of watching him grow more handsome, acted in him. He wanted to be with him but he knew he couldn't. That ached his heart.

He tired dating other people to take his mind off of Jack, but he just flooded back to his mind. Like a bad habit you can't stop. He even went far as going to a physiatrist. That helped for a while, then it hit him all at once. That's why he left. To get away so everything wouldn't remind him of Jack. That too was short lived. Two years after he left he got a call that changed his life. Evelyn's death. He had to see Jack again.

Don't get him wrong. He was glade to see his family again. It just pained to be near someone you tried to forget. He hid his emotions from everyone. When he was alone with Jack, Bobby thought of his Mother to get Jack off his mind, when Jack got shot, he felt a loose of not saying how he truly felt for him.

Bobby got up and took off from the room. He felt sick.

**One Hour Later**

Jack slowly came two. He looked around to see where he was. White walls every where. It was a hospital. He was saved once again. Why does people kept saving him? He doesn't want to live any more. So much pain and suffering consumed his life, he doesn't want to feel it. Again and again his attempts failed.

Jack once again ripped the I.V.s out of his arms. He held up his hands. His wrists were bandaged in white cloth, little spots of blood shown through. Jack looked up as the door opens up. Bobby walked in.

Bobby rushed over to his baby brother. Bobby went to hug him, but Jack shied away from him. Bobby pulled away confused.

"Did you save me?" Jack asked his older brother with venom in his tone.

"I couldn't stand to lose you. What ever's going on with you, we can get you help. You didn't have to slit your wrists."

"I don't want help. No help is going to change these nightmares I have. Nothing goin' to change what happened to me." Jack now looked at Bobby.

"Yes it will. It helped me deal with my birth mom's death. It only came back when mom died and I almost lost you."

"What works for one person doesn't always work for another. Even if I did get help that wouldn't change the fact that you're in love with me. It's not like I can forget that."

"Jack I can get-." Jack held up his hand to stop Bobby.

"I don't want to hear your God damn excuses."

Just then the door opened up and Dr. Mult walked in. he went up to Jack's bed. "Good to see that you're up again, Jack. As you may know your brother here saved you. You have fifty stitches in each arm." He took a second to let Jack soak up the information. "This isn't the first suicide attempt, it's your sixth. This isn't good, Jack, you're not mentally stable. You are a danger to yourself and other around you. I want to put you in the Detroit Institution."

"What!?" Jack shot up from his laying position. "An institution!"

"It's for your own good."

Jack looked to his brother. "No. Don't let them take me. Bobby. I can't stay there. I'll go insane."

"There's nothing I can do, sorry."

"Please, Bobby!" tears swelled in his eyes. "Bobby I don't want to go!"

The door opened up. Angel, Sofi, and Jerry walked in. they had a confused look plastered onto their faces. Jack was crying, Bobby looked deeply saddened, and the Doctor looked a shamed.

"What's going on? Why is Jack crying?" Jerry asked.

"Don't let them take me to the nut house! I can't go there. Please. Please don't let them take me." Jack begged the other two brothers.

Angel and Jerry looked at Bobby for an answer. They would always look to him for answers, if it had to deal with family issues. Every time he was right on the money. Things got done or things got better. Bobby looked at them. In his eyes read all, they said 'He has to go.'

"Sorry, Jackie poo. It's for the best." Angel said.

Jack looked around at all of them again. He looked down at the bed, tears falling down his cheeks and onto the white sheets. He felt so alone. The whole world was against him. No one could or would help him. It was like he was a rabid animal. No one was going to help it, it was sick. No one would think twice about it either. The world wanted the strong to live and the weak die. In Jack's case, tease him. Make things bad till he died. He wanted to be strong. Not tossed around for fun. He hated being so weak, but everyone made him that way. The strong preying on the weak. Never stopping till they are all dead.

Doctors, nurses, and security guys went into Jack's room. They wanted to give him a sedative for the long drive. Two young female nurses helped jack to his feet. Dr. Mult walked up to him with a needle in hand. One of the nurses pulled Jack's sleeve up and held his arm steady. Once the Doc was a foot way, Jack broke free from the nurse's grip. He pulled out a sharp piece of glass from under his bed.

He brought it across Dr. Mult's cheek. The Doctor dropped his hot, to hold onto his bleeding face. Jack also stabbed one of the nurses in the leg as she tired to get a hold of him.

There was no way in hell was Jack going to let them take him with out a fight. For once in his life he wanted to feel like he the power. He felt so strong, yet not satisfied. It's not the power he wanted. It didn't feel right. He was putting himself deeper into trouble. He would have to stay longer in the institution for what he just done. And he didn't want it.

Three big Security guys tackled him to the floor. A big black guy fought Jack for the glass. A minute later the man got it and tosses it aside. Another man straddled Jack to keep him on the floor while another Doctor gave Jack another shot. Right before the needle touched Jack's skin, he bit the guy on top of him, to the point blood entered his mouth.

"Go get a fucking straightjacket and a mask now!" Someone yelled.

A Doctor stabbed Jack with the needle, then injected the liquid into the body. It didn't work right away. Jack still fought to get away from then, but the guy with the bleeding arm held him tight.

A few minutes later a nurse came back with the jacket and the mask. The big black man placed the mask over Jack's face. The good nurse strapped it together. The man holding Jack down, lifted him while the other two Security guys put and strapped the straightjacket on.

Jack looked like Hannibal Lecter in 'Silence of the Lambs'. The mask was a coppery gold color. A hole with three sliver poles in it, over the mouth. The whole mask covered the bridge of his nose, cheeks, and his jaw area. The jacket was white with brown leather belts. He felt like a cannibal, with all that stuff on him. He hated it.

A security guy wheeled Jack out of his room and into the hallway. Jack's family was shocked to see their brother look like a psychopath. They didn't get a good chance to really react at what they saw because they quickly wheeled him away. Before anyone knew it they where outside. A van awaited them there.

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This might sound weird but all that Jack is feeling is how i felt at the time i was this. everything that jack was feeling in chap 1 - 7 is all that i was feeling. I'm feeling better now that i got what i was feeling off my chest. Please tell me if i should make more than 11 chaps to this story and if i should make a supernatural story. if you haven't seen the show got to and type in Supernatural Ep 1, so you know what it is about. 


	8. Nut House

**Yay i found it. I hope you like it. chap 9 will be awhile i'm still trying to write it. Thanks for the reveiws.  
I'm plaing on doing another story about the YU YU HAKUSHO. Its going to be a YusukeHiei fic. But i need some ideas on how its going to turn out. Yusuke is going to save Hiei some how, and i don't really want it to follow the show to a T. so if you have any ideas please tell me.

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Chapter 8: Nut House 

The van came to an abrupt stop. The ride was just one big blur. The doctors gave me a sedative to calm me and my whole body down. It felt like they gave me laughing gas. That stuff, it's like you're high and everything's just …. ZOOM…. Off.

The door on the side opened up. A man in white scrubs stood there. He climbed in half way and grabbed the bottom of my stretcher. A soft thud, as my lower half was outside. The guy climbed in the back and then pushed my stretcher upright.

He wheeled me up to the creepy institution. The building had red ivy going up the light brick walls. Dead trees had gray moss hanging down, like in horror films. I hate this place, I really felt like Dr. Lecter. We entered the building. Dull light gray walls, an office to the right of me, and halls every direction you look.

A nurse in pink walked up to us. "He's room is this way."

She lead us down the hall to her right and my left. Many sealed off doors passed by. Little slots for food trays, blankets, or clothes to go through in the center of the door. I was never going to see the outside world again. I was going to stay in a room till I'm released or dead. I sure as hell was going to be bored out of my mind.

We came to a stop at the end of the hall. The door on the left was opened. The guy wheeled me into the dungeon. He released the straps over my chest, then he laid me down on the bed. He and the nurse left me all alone. I stared off into the abyss. My mask and straightjacket still on.

I guess I could think about my feeling towards my older brother. I could think about how I change me life, or just rot here like the trash I am, as Angel said.

Part of this was good; I was away from all my problems like teasing Bobby, name calling Angel, painful memories of Mom's house. The part that was bad was my family wasn't there. I wanted a familiar face, but that wasn't going to happen any time soon.

A few minutes floated by when my door opened up. A tall female Dr. with long blond hair, in a ponytail, walked in. She walked up next to me.

"Mr. Mercer how are you?" I just gave her a blank stare. "I'm going to show you around, so you'll get familiar with the place then ask you a few questions."

I sat up. She helped me stand fully. Knee still very much painful. I lend against the wall. She left my room and I followed slowly after her. We walked up to the entrance of the building, then took a left.

"I'm going to be your Doctor here. I monitor a handful of cases like you. Once a week I'll check on your progression." She stopped walking. "This is the Physic Room. Strange name I know," I looked inside. There was nothing but chairs all in a circle. A group therapy session, no doubt. "But we just want to know why do think and do they way you do."

I bet anyone would want to get inside of a Mercer's mind, just to see how fucked up we really are. I know some people who would pay a bunch of money just to know my middle name. All they going to do is back away and give up on me. There's too much messed up things inside my head. Too many misconnected plugs to tell me what's right and what's wrong.

"This is Dr. Good's room. She is such a sweet old lady. She is free anytime you need her." She started to walk again.

Like I'll ever go to some ol' bat for anything. The only person I ever trusted with any- something's was Mom. Only time Dr. G will ever see or hear from me is when I'm in her room.

"This is the art room. You'll like this room, Mr. Mercer. You have many, many arts to chose from." I guess I might like this room. "Dr. Snee over sees this room. He's a sensitive man, he cares for everyone deeply, kind of like his own kids."

I physically twitched at that. All the men I ever knew who was sensitive around me has hurt me. I dreaded going into that room. I don't want to be anywhere near that room with him in it, especially if I'm alone. I think I'm just psyching myself out. Maybe he's not the monster I thought he was or maybe he was. Maybe part of me wanted something to happen so I could stay fucked up. That's all I ever known.

"And this is the creative writing room. Here is where you can writing about anything you feel you need to let off or just write random things." Writing? That could be alright. "I run this room." Nope, not any more. "Please take a seat at one of the tables."

I hopped over to one of the tables farthest from the woman, then took a seat. Dr. whoever took a seat at her desk. She never told me her name. Did she even have a name? I thought.

"I'm Dr. Whin." That's a very stupid name, well so is Mercer. "How old are you?"

Was she serious? As soon as I got here so did my records. She had time to read them. She should know everything about me. I loathed people who asked questions they already knew the answer too. Teachers did it when I was a new student and they read my name on the piece of paper I gave them before hand. The cops asking me to tell them where those guys touched me. They knew where. Why couldn't people just use their brain? A higher power give it to them for a reason.

I wasn't about to answer her. If she wanted to know how old, or ask anything else, she could look in my folder. In fact I'm not going to talk to her or anyone till I leave this place for good.

"I know I have your records, but I wanted to start you a clean slat here." She threw my file away. "Now, how old are you?"

I don't give two shits about a new slat. That doesn't change the fact that all that shit happened to me. I'm still going to have nightmares of my past. Does she really think doing that is going to change my past? If so, why is she a Dr.? Damn, I'm surrounded by fucking dumbasses.

"Come on, Jack, please answer me. This is the first step to recovery. Will you answer me?" I shook me head 'no'. "Right. Go to dinner. James!" She called out.

A big black nurse walked into the room. He came up to me then helped me up. We left the creative writing room.

Dinning Room

James led me to a table. He took me to a table with hand cuffs attached to it. The cuffs gave me a leeway of about a half foot. They think I'm going to attack someone. Why would I attack someone? I know I'd get into deeper trouble than I already was. I would like to get out of here as soon as possible. I'd probably kill myself if I had to stay here more than four months.

James undid my jacket and sat me down in the chair. Slowly he cuffed each wrist. I lifted up my arms a little, to get the feel of the chains. A strange feeling came over me. The cold, sliver metal melted with my skin. It was like I was one with it. It had a low slow pulse, beating in tune with my heart. I felt its pain. It didn't want to be made into this, like how I didn't want to live.

A plate of food was dropped down in front of me, snapped me back into reality. The meal was some kind of meat in gravy and rice around it. There was also some steamed carrots and a glass of milk. Someone unhooked my mask and laid it beside me. It felt so good to have it off my face.

Dinner went by quick. Nasty too. Well they restrained me again. Not fun at all. They had to hook the belt, that goes between the legs, and that made me feel uncomfortable. That brought back last night with Bobby and him undoing my clothes. That didn't feel weird as this did. It felt like they were groping me. I wanted to punch them, but I held back.

James walked me back to my room where a female nurse awaited us. He laid me down on my bed. The female nurse cleaned a stop on my neck, then injected me with some yellow liquid. As soon as that went in me, I got sleepy. Soon I fell asleep.

The next day, two big nurses helped me to the Psychic room. Inside there were many people of all ages. Some as young as ten and old as sixties. As I entered the room, I noticed that I was the only one in a straightjacket and a mask on. I felt like I was the ugly duckling. I hated being the odd ball of a group. If I was in my house or with my band I was okay. My body started to shake. I wanted to go back to my room. I really did.

They sat me down then left. Everyone looked at me as if I was some wild animal. I just ignored them; I mean there was nothing I could do.

"Good morning all." Dr. G walked in. She was a middle aged woman. He graying hair was put into a tight bun. I looked away. She reminded me of Mom. "Let me introduce to you our new member. Jack Lewis Mercer."

I flinched at my middle name. it was my fathers first name. it's been then years since I used or heard that name. that name haunted me, well not really but you get what I mean. My father looking down on me as if I wasn't nothing more than dirt. The words he said bounced inside of my head. 'You piece of shit, you're worthless, you were the biggest mistake ever, your mother should have had an abortion, and you're lower than dirt. Dogs wouldn't even bother to shit on you. You little whore, you fag, and you are dead to me.'

Tears formed in my eyes. Why did she have to use my middle name? Why not just Jack Mercer? She should have read my files too, or she did but she just didn't care. If so, what kind of dr. is she? They are suppose to help, not hurt.

"Jack," The old bat stood in front of me. "You alright sweetie?" I looked away from her. "Don't look away. Your older brother said you always do that. You can't make your problems go away, by looking away. You have to face them head on. Now look at me."

I slowly verted my eyes towards her. For a split second she looked like mom. She even sounded like her when she told me to look at her. I missed that woman so much.

"Good. I just want you to nod you head yes or no. Okay?" I nodded. "Did I up set you?" Again I nodded. "Was it your… hold up your fingers for 1st, 2nd, or 3rd name."

I held up two fingers. I don't know why but I felt at ease with her, like she was Mom. Maybe in some way she was. Maybe mom was using her to get to me.

"Alright. Thank you. I wont speak that name again. If you need me, I'm here for you anytime, okay sweetie?" I nodded. She walked back to her seat.

An hour later the session was over. A boy thought his father killed his dog 'Wolf Wolf' on purpose. The boy got upset about it because his dad never said her was sorry for running over the stupid dog. Some old guy asked many questions like did I kill someone, why am I here shouldn't I be in prison, on and on. They made me feel bad. Soon everyone else thought I was a murder.

Dr. G then asked me what I was here for to prove the old man wrong. I simply replied 'suicide'. She made me say with out forcing me too, which was really weird. She then asked was it my first time. I said no. She then started to do the twenty question thing on me but I didn't want to tell anymore. So she suggested that I let her read and see my art to help me if I wasn't going to talk.

It was art time after Dr. G. There I sat alone. No one wanted to be near me. They were still so afraid of me. That was a hug blow to my heart. One more scar to add to the many my heart has.

Dr. Snee asked us all to start drawing anything we wanted to draw, just nothing perverted or NC rated. I picked up a sharp pencil and started to draw what my wounded heart wanted to draw.

The first thing I put on the paper was myself. Dead trees on either side of me. Snakes dripped from the tree tops wrapping themselves around my wrists. Roots of the trees locked my feet in place. A blacken thorny vine wrapped around my neck tight enough to make my neck bleed. A silhouette of a demon laughing behind me. Laughing at my life and all the things I've done. A boney clawed finger went through my heart. Blood flowing out of me like a waterfall. Wood land creatures surrounded me giggling at my suffering.

"What does this mean Jack?" Dr. S said behind me.

I didn't answer.

Dr. S just stood there trying to figure out my drawing.

Dr. Whin's Class

Again I was seating alone, this time I didn't care. I wanted to be alone if I was going to write. I started writing before Dr. W came into the room. I wrote about a beautiful landscape being tainted by blood and hate. Whiteness of snow turning to red. Ringing out Shells hitting the frozen ground. Screams of terror and panic. No one answering the call of the one who was hurt. When all think is lost, new life bring only pain and torment.


	9. Two in a Half Months Later

**Chapter Nine: 2 ½ Months Later**

It's been two in a half months since I've been in this hell hole. The whole time I was here, I've been chained up. I was chained in every session and in the cafeteria. They never took off my mask, except when I was eating. They also keep me in the straightjacket, just so I wouldn't hurt myself.

Ah, I've been through so much these last couple of months. I've improved with my mental state. I no longer want to kill myself, well not for the reason like me being useless, and not for all my foster parents did to me. I did for what I've done to myself. The drugs and not following my will. I've learned to express myself so I don't take my life. Dr, G told me to write a letter to myself, then burn it.

I've been able to walk without a need to lean on someone or something. I can run for ten minutes before my knee starts to hurt. My shoulder it's well too. I can lift up to five pound weights, which sucks because I use to lift thirty. I can push or shove with my shoulder without it hurting. Only time it does is when I kept in the straightjacket.

In these months I've been here I've drew lots of pictures and stories. My pictures at first started out pretty gruesome. They then slowly turned to peaceful were I'm free and somewhat happy. For the last few weeks I've been drawing my brothers, mostly Bobby. My stories were the same as my drawings. I did write a story/song of my feeling towards my oldest brother.

Speaking of my oldest brother, I've come to realize my true feeling for him. I came to terms with that I'm in love with him. After a month of being her I had a long talk with myself. After weeks of arguing with me, that's when I came to terms. I also realized I fell in love with him since he told me that he loved me. I hated myself for a while but I got through it.

James entered my room. He came towards me then he undid my straightjacket. He then helped me stand up.

"Dr. Whin would like to speak with you, Jacks." That's James' nickname for me. In the time here we became close friends. He helped me with my knee and shoulder. He also kept me company even if I didn't want it. "I lover your pictures man. I wish I could draw like that." He said looking around.

"Thanks."

We left my room. We walked the three minutes walk to Dr. Whin's room. James helped me sit down as Dr. W walked in with my files. James patted me on the back then left.

"Good to see you, Mr. Mercer." She opened the file. "So how do you feel today? Any bad thoughts or nightmares?"

"It's the same as the last time you asked me. I still have nightmares that never go away, even it I was put in a trance or on meds." I replied.

She sighed. "How have you improved? Your writing, 'cause you never let me see them. Also your drawing?"

"Everything's peachy. I see everyone who as hurt me still hurt me when I look at my new pictures. I mask bad things up by good things in my writings. Only things I've done that was good was when I confessed my feeling for my eldest brother. It makes me feel at ease. I'm in love with my brother!" I quickly threw my hands over my mouth. I didn't mean to say that to her.

Dr. G knew, but she told me it's normal to love the ones who's always been there for you. Bobby always has.

Dr. W's mouth fell open. She quickly regained herself. "In love, love with him?" I didn't answer. "You lover him like a lover don't you?" I looked away. "Ew. I want you to leave this office. I don't want to see you in my room again, you filthy fagot."

I got up and ran out of her office. I ran all the way back to my room. On the way, I ran past James. He tired to stop me to see if I was alright, because I started to cry by then. I just pushed past him. I entered my room and slammed the door behind me.

I threw myself onto my bed and buried my face in the pillow. My tears fell onto the pillow. I couldn't believe she called me a _fag_. They aren't supposed to say stuff like that. Aren't they suppose to keep their opinions to themselves? They are to make you feel good right?

A soft knock sounded. I just ignored it. The door clicked opened after I didn't respond. My left side went down slightly due to who ever sat down. A hand was placed on my back.

"I heard what happened. What Lenda said was out of line." Lenda was Dr. W's name. The person who spoke was Dr. G. I know her voice anywhere. "Don't feel ashamed to cry in front of me. I think it's good to let it out, just not in a violent way. Do you want to talk about it?" Her voice was so gentle.

I sat up. I looked into her eyes then way. I took a deep breath and told her everything that had happened to me. From birth father all the way till I slit my wrists. Oh I forgot to tell you. My wrists were now healed. The only reminder was very light pink scars that were very visible too.

"Oh, Jackie. I'm so sorry. I didn't realize that happened to you. No one should ever experience that. Those men should burn in hell for their hanest crimes."

I shrugged my shoulders. What's it matter? There's no chance that some of them will stay in prison for much longer. They have connections with judges so they'd get a less harsh sentence.

"It's very good thing that Evelyn took you in. she was a special woman. She had so many foster kids staying with her and she found them all loving homes."

"You knew her?" I asked confused.

"Yes. She was my younger sister." No wonder I liked her so much. "I think it was a good thing what you and your brothers did. If it weren't for you then them gangsters would still be in the streets. Yawl were like the four angels of Justice. Angel of love, angel of knowledge, angel of bravery, and the angel of judgment."

**--Two weeks later—**

Two weeks after I talked with Dr. G, Saraha. I got word I get to go home. Dr. G saw it fit to take over my case and thought I made great progress in those two weeks. Before I go home I have to finish my sessions. So I'd be going home late, like around seven or so. Words can't describe how bittersweet I am. I've come to love Dr. G like my one true Aunt and James as a best friend. I guess I could always visit them or them me.

My first session was art. Dr. G wanted me to do what I loved to do. I drew two pictures. One for Dr. G and one for James. Dr. G's was a beautiful orange cat with big green eyes. The cat had darker orange strips all along its back. The cat it's self was on its back playing with a pink, blue, and purple butterfly. Surrounding the cat was long dark lushes green grass. A clear baby blue sky above. The last touch I did was scribbled my name in the right hand corner.

James picture was a pride of golden lions. In the back was a big male lion. His mane was a dark brown. He face was that of a noble and brave. The lioness laid all around their king, cleaning and or sleeping. Herds of animals in the back ground. Low sandy grass lands and weird trees surrounded the pride.

Next class was writing class. Dr. W, she just ignored me. I didn't care. I just wrote a story for Dr, G. it was about a guardian angel sent down from the heavens to have a lost boy. It tells off all she's done to help and how he is found.

At dinner I was offered, don't think wrong of me but, I got an all vegan meal. I've changed my ways of eating. I could no longer eat anything with a face. Of I did I'd remember what all happened to me and how that animal felt right before it died. Any who, my meal was an all soy loaf with all organic sauce and potatoes.

After dinner I was placed in a small room to await my brother. I was practically jumping in my seat. I was so excited to see my family. I just wanted to tell them how much I loved them and shower the, in hugs and kisses. (Sounds corny I know.)

The door squeaked opened and my head shot towards the sound. Walked in was Bobby. I jumped from my chair and jumped up on Bobby. I planted a kiss onto Bobby's lips. As soon as I did this he pushed me away. I backed away from him confused. Did he not want this anymore?

"Jack why did you do that?" Hit me just hit me. He doesn't love like that anymore.

"I'm sorry. Bobby. I didn't mean to do that. I was just so excited to see you." Boy did I feel dumb. Once I find my feeling for him, he turns his off for me. That's sadden me.

Bobby chuckled. "It's alright Jackie. Let's got get you things and get the hell out of here."

We went to my room. I gathered up my draws off the walls and out them in a bag Bobby brought with him. Bobby looked around at my pictures as I took them down. I left out the ones for Dr. G and James. I was just about to pack my writings when I saw Bobby reading a story to wrote for him to express my feelings. I sat down on my bed with my head bowed. I was not sure how he would react to the story.


	10. Auther's note

Sorry all for not finishing this story but I just lost interest in to

**Sorry all for not finishing this story but I just lost interest in to. If I get it back I'll finish. But to let you know there was only one more chap left. **_**Jack gives the pictures he drew to the ones he drew them for. Bobby doesn't love Jack anymore (sad I know). Jack's whole family throws him a Christmas day. Jack gets cds from Jerry and his family, clothes from Angel, a guitar from Sofi, and a dog that looks like the stuff animal Bobby got him from Bobby.**_

**That's it. But if I get the spark back I type it up.**


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